Drabblets
by Sockpuppet-of-love
Summary: My first attempts at drabbling. Mostly yaoi. Mostly WxV. Some are rather good, some suck rather badly. Deal.
1. Song of Songs

Right, right.

I am not Yasuhiro Nightow.

I hereby disclaim any and all ownership of Trigun.

--

"Forgive me."  
  
_But your iniquities have separated you from your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear._  
  
"You won't forgive me?"  
  
_For the wages of sin is death..._  
  
"I'm going to die even if you forgive me, aren't I?"  
  
_A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep._  
  
"My unfulfilled dream..."  
  
_Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth - for your love is better than wine.  
  
You are all fair, my love, and there is no spot on you._  
  
(For those who care, the verses cited are Isaiah 59:2, Romans 6:23, Proverbs 6:10, and the Song of Soloman 1:2 and 4:7.)


	2. Teh suck

"Our addictions?"  
  
"Hai, senpai! Like, Vash-san liking doughnuts so much says that he's really sweet, but not very healthy!"  
  
"And that he's got a hole in his head."  
  
"Cruel!"  
  
"And senpai's banana sundaes, which you only order when you're not feeling very happy, say that every now and then-"  
  
"-Insurance girl needs some sugar?"  
  
"What?! No! What kind of preacher are you, anyway? And you'd better stop giggling, Milly, or I'll tell these two why you like vanilla pudding so much."  
  
"You...!  
Hai, senpai."  
  
"So, what about Wolfwood, big girl?"  
  
"Oh, that's easy. He's addicted to cigarettes, right? Well, cigarettes are bad for you, and his are all kinda bent, too, so...  
  
Priest-san, are you ok?"  



	3. Ericks v Thomas

Ericks vs. the Thomas 

"So, the first time, you scared the damn thing, and it kicked you."

"Mmmhm."

"The second time, you got your foot caught in the stirrup and dragged halfway across the field."

"Mmrmph."

"The third time, you got tangled in the reins."

"No, that was the fourth time. The third time, I got on backward."

"And this time, you went flying. I didn't want to believe it, but I guess there really _is_ someone on Gunsmoke who's never ridden before."

"I told you so. I've _been_ ridden, but I've never been the rider. Funny, I thought this way'd be less painful."


	4. Chibi challenge

Chibi-Gunsmoke 

"So."

"Tho."

"How you been?"

"Dead. You?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"..."

"Well, this is lovely. Nicer'n hell, I'll give it that much."

"Don't thwear. You're only three."

"So?"

"Tho, thoap tasths nasthy."

"Your lisp is adorable."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"..."

"D'you know what this means?"

"Graham crackerth and thunthet bedtimeth?"

"No, dummy. I'm free. I don't have to obey your psycho brother any more..."

"Yeah, about that..."

"Not now. And, I'm not a priest anymore. No more restrictive vows. No more obediance! No more poverty!"

"You're three. You don't even get an allowanth."

"No more..."

"Thave it for puberty. _Nicky_."


	5. Again with teh suck

"Welcome back, _Vash the Stampede_."

"..."

"Look, you can't have expected to be able to stay like this, did you?"

Talk to me... 

"..."

"I told you when we met you'd never be able to live peacefully."

_Don't hate me for this._

"I only wanted to save Lina. I'm not coming back."

"Staying here puts her in more danger, Tongari."

_You have to come, you have to come now_

"...i know."

"Vash..."

_Wish it could be different._

_I'm sorry._

_I love you._


	6. Laudible pun 1

"B'sides, this peaceful life doesn't suit you, Tongari."

"Whaddya mean? Cruel!"

"But I... well, look at you! That farmer gear! Cooler than that ridiculous bodysuit of yours, granted, but still..."

_skintight...leather...dammit Chapel!_

"And you must've put on ten ounds, lazin' around. Doubt it'd fit anymore, anyhow."

_Whatever happened to it? And the coat? And Augusta, for that matter?_

"This hair, Tongari. Can't call you that anymore, can I, with this shaggy dog-mop on your head.

Even that sorry excuse for a beard of yours... scraggly and pathetic."

"What? Insurance girl... is she all right?"

"Whaddya..."

_Oh._

_Oh._

Bad pun, granted, and not well written, but the four-strand stubble beard Vash sports during his time with Lina just begged for this (unfortunately ubercheese) misinterpretation.


	7. Keep your friends close

"Hiya, Wolfwood! How you been?"

'How've I been'? Let's see. Since fighting killer lost technology robot chicken things and dealing with that fat bastard mayor who tried to force my hand by threatening a kid, I've been having my brain raped daily by a psychotic mindreader who worships your insane brother – your brother, by the way, was recently decanted, and is now ready to destroy us all so he can have you and this planet all to himself. Also, I've been planning your seduction, because if you don't trust me _that much,_ I'll never get you where I need you.

Sorry.

"Dry. Whiskey?"


	8. Hereditary titles

Don't call me that.

I hate that name. Granted, it's better than some names I've been called, but still...

It's like I'm your pet, your puppy. It's the kind of thing you call someone when you don't expect them to be around very long.

I'd like to think our relationship is stronger than titles like that. It creates distance, don't you see? That name, it's a barrier between us, a barrier we don't need.

'Angelina 3'. How'd you like to be a number, just one more disposable figure in a series?

Oh.

Right.


	9. Office romance

(AU- What if Vash didn't reappear so soon after Augusta?)

Gently and slowly.

Not that I found you delicate – no, after all these years of watching you work I knew better than that. For all that you appeared soft and small, I knew better. You're the strongest woman I know, and you are glorious in your strength.

But you were wary – and rightfully so – so I approached you gently and slowly.

_A smile to ease your fear, a touch to draw you near._

I knew what you'd been through (I read your report.)

And then, all my efforts were rewarded.

I told you you'd never find womanly pleasures in the field.


	10. Laudible pun 2

"Amazing! Simply amazing, the amount of damage your body has withstood. When did you acquire this one – rifle, is it?"

"Yeah. That was on the old sand steamer."

"And the one above it?"

"Road rash from an angry Thomas. Just my fate, I guess- cats love me and Thomases hate me!"

"I see what you mean – here's another Thomas scar, yes? This bite, just above the, ah, grating?"

"Some of these, like this one, here, are lives I saved, and some are mementos, reminders. That one isn't from a Thomas – it's a souvenir of my first time with a Gun."


	11. Full of mercy

_Kill him._

It hurts it hurts my arm my God...

_Kill him._

Why didn't he kill me? He hesitates, even now. He leaves his opponent alive. He shows mercy-- I taught him none of this!

Is this the power of my Lord's brother? To change a man's nature so completely?

To be Love, rather than Might?

_I will not tell you again. Kill him._

'You speak for my Lord, Legatosama, but he is my son...'

_If that is the way you wish things to be..._

_I am through with you._

_Now, if you want something done right..._

_Kill. Him._


	12. Dirty mind

"Tongari, will you get out of there already?"

_Regarding the incidents in March City, it is the finding of this investigator that Vash the Stampede is not directly responsible for t_he reported $$50K of damage...

"Look, nobody's laughing. On my word as a priest!"

..._was actually caused by 173 stampeding Thomases, in pursuit of a female Thomas in heat. The fact that Vash the Stampede was riding the female Thomas at the time has no bearing on this case._

"You've been in the shower for six hours! I have to piss!"

"Can't come out... still so dirty..."


	13. Premature

I suppose I can't complain. After all, I never even told you my real name.  
But I doubt I knew yours either, so we're even on that count.

In fact, I'm pretty sure that "I want you" was the only honest thing you ever said to me.  
How did this happen? Wasn't there a point when you smiled at me and I didn't question your motives? When you talked in your sleep, were you honest, or was I just dreaming?

You offered once to let me unburden myself.  
But I never got the chance to tell you...  
And now there's so much blood...


	14. Cutscene

"Wolfwood! How did you know... you're hit."  
  
"Just a couple of scratches. I'll live."  
  
"You work for my brother."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You've been lying to me from the beginning!"  
  
"...yeah."  
  
"How could you have..."  
  
"Look, there's no time for this. Knives is in Dhimitri, Legato's planning something fucked up, and the insurance girls have probably ten minutes to live."  
  
"You bastard..."  
  
"Go. Help them. I've got one more thing to take care of, then you can yell at me all you want."  
  
"Where..."  
  
"That church, there. Go! ...shit... GO! I'll wait for you in there when I'm finished, I promise."


	15. Sharing is caring

"Sometimes I don't know why I trust you, O Secretive Priest."

"Me secretive? That's a laugh, Tongari... you..."

"I what?"

"You want to know one of my secrets? All right.

I am a very bad priest. I desire you – I may even love you. I think about you when I touch myself. At night I dream of submitting to you in a dozen different ways. I crave you like nicotine. Sometimes I... no.

Enough about me. Tell me one of your secrets."

"...!"

"What's the matter, Vash?" sneered Legato from behind the priest's horrified eyes. "Don't you trust me?"


	16. Drag challenge

"Um... Chapel?"  
  
"Shit. Yeah?"  
  
"Um. Isn't that...?"  
  
"Elendira's? Yeah, I borrowed it from her. She's not as mean as she lets on, y'know?"  
  
"And why...?"  
  
"Because I lost a bet with the Hornfreak, that's why. Look--"  
  
"If I ask you about this bet, will I get angry, laugh, or wish I hadn't asked?"  
  
"Probably that last one. Look, E.G...."  
  
"OK. How about I pretend that I saw nothing and you just go on about who- or whatever you were doing. And we'll pretend I didn't say that, either."  
  
"E.G.? One more thing?"  
  
"Er, yeah?"  
  
"...Are my seams straight?"  
  
--


	17. Communion

Communion

--

"'We are not worthy...'"

"Wolfwood..."

"'...But thou art the same Lord, whose property is always to have mercy: Grant us therefore, gracious Lord, so to eat the flesh of...'"

"_Wolfwood."_

"'...that our sinful bodies may be made clean by his body, and...'"

"I take back everything I said. You are a fantastic priest, devout and holy and for Christ's sake will you _please_..."

"'...that we may evermore dwell in him, and he in us...'"

"However you want me, fine, just..."

"'...Draw near with faith, and take this holy Sacrament to your comfort; and make your humble confession, devoutly kneeling.'"

"...Amen."

--

Wolfwood is quoting portions of the text for communion from the 1892 Book of Common Prayer of the Protestant Episcopal Church.

And yes, I am going to hell.


	18. Pistil and stamen

--  
(Thoughts are italicized.)  
  
The power surges that wracked the town grew with mounting frequency, each pulse stronger than the last. The plant's bulb creaked and moaned from the internal pressures. Deep inside, hidden machinery throbbed, while on the surface, radios spit out intermittent bursts of static. As frightened engineers watched, every level indicator steadily rose to its highest point, then—  
  
The electrical output peaked. For an instant, Little York glowed.  
  
As the power levels slowly dropped to 85, the whole town breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
20 iles away, Knives stretched and reached for his towel. _Thank you, Brother/Sister. That was wonderful._  
  
--


	19. Into the sunset

The hero bids farewell to the heroine, then rides into the sunset to do battle -- The ending of every cliché story.

I've done everything I'm supposed to. I defeated the antagonist's army. I offered forgiveness and knowledge to those who stood against me. I had a sunset moment with one of the good girls, and fell in love with one of the bad guys.

And now I'm going to fight my brother for the life of every person on this planet.

Does that mean, when I've dealt with Knives, the credits will roll, and I'll finally be able to stop?


	20. A real smile

You were smiling - such a gentle smile.

As though nothing in the world could possibly be wrong.

Pleasant, _pleased_ smile. It was almost beautiful.

Beauty knows no morality, did you ever hear that?

I learned that one recently. From you, actually. Well, you and _him_, but I can't… I…

Beauty. "A thing of beauty is a joy forever".

I think "forever" just got longer.

You've taken so much of what I love…

And what I did… I know. I can never. Never.

But you…

I couldn't stop you.

I couldn't stop myself.

And you, you bastard, you kept _smiling…_


	21. New beginning

Every day is a new beginning.

A new sunrise, always different than the one before. Today, a new journey, across a new stretch of desert. There was so much to experience, even in the wastes between towns – wind-carved canyons, and clouds, sandworms...

Then, he'd reach a new town, full of new people with new ideas and dreams and new trajectories to plan to kill new targets.

Finally, he'd build a small fire, and spend the night under the old, familiar stars.

Caine had never met this "Rem" that Knives-san occasionally ranted about, but he thought they might have been friends.


	22. Gorge

_That's disgusting._

_I wish I could stuff myself like that blue-haired guy. How can he eat so much and still look like that?_

_Is that that guy's fourth bowlful? He must not have eaten for days._

_Eating that much can't be good for you._

_I've completely lost my appetite, watching that man shovel food into his mouth. No manners, absolutely no manners at all._

_God, man, slow down or you'll end up eating your own hand!_

Legato mentally chuckled as all the restaurant's now-horrified patrons lifted empty hands toward drooling mouths.

'_Sometimes, humanity, you really do ask for it.'_


	23. Endgame

"So, did you have a good time living like a human?"

"Yeah. It was great." He drew his gun and aimed it at his brother. "Tag. You're it. Now you get to be the hero. I'm tired of getting shot at!"

Knives chuckled. "Being scary was fun. And congratulations, on converting the priest."

"You were too obvious, brother. He was exactly my type. This next round, I'll show you how to plant a mole..."

Knives raised his glass. "Here's to the next game. Oh, and if you want it back, I salvaged your arm."

"You're the greatest brother ever."


	24. Furyou Plantboy

"That's _it!"_ A flustered Vash emerged from the saloon, swaying slightly.

"Insurance girl!" He flung himself toward a very startled-looking Meryl. "I am just a lonely wanderer who chases that elusive mayfly of love, but I must consider my future. You who are so beautiful and fair, would you do me the honour of bearing my child?"

Meryl's left eye twitched. "And where do you think you're putting your hands, Mr. the Stampede?"

The slap echoed for iles.

"You're not fooling anyone, you know," chirped Milly as she helped a bruised Vash to his feet. "Besides, that routine _never_ works!"


	25. Papercut

_FYI: Mangaverse. _

* * *

_--flip--_

_Will ye steal, murder, and commit adultery, and swear falsely...?_

Yes, yes, and I don't know. _Is_ this a sin?

I'm coveting, definitely, but is it adultery if she was an Eve?

_--flip--_

_And I will raise me up a faithful priest, that shall do according to that which is in mine heart and in my mind_

But am I _yours_ or am I _his?_

Or does it matter?

_--flip—_

_That the triumphing of the wicked is short, and the joy of the hypocrite but for a moment? _

"O blindness to the future, kindly given."

Shit.

* * *

Jeremiah 7:9, 1 Samuel 2:35, Job 20:5, and Alexander Pope. I don't care if it's canon or not: the quote fits.


	26. Infidelity

_--Wait...--_

Callused hands on callused knees.

_--No, don't...--_

Pink on pink you lick your lips. Shudder-tickle from three-day stubble, then it's so hot. Our first kiss.

_--Don't make me...--_

Deep and wet and just a flick, again, of ohyesgod your tongue, and

_--Stop.--_

I'm in your thrall as you devour me. Envy. Serpent. Devil. Angel. Apple. Eden. God, I think I'm dying. _Benedictimus te. Laudamus te._

_--I can't...--_

Vouchsafe, O Lord to be present with us whoaregathered…! _Adoramus te._

_--How could you...--_

Someone is laughing in my head. It's your voice.

_--Please. Stop.--_

You weren't supposed to be so sweet.

The quoted passage, "Vouchsafe, O Lord, to be present with us, who are here gathered together with all humility and readiness of heart, to consecrate this place to the honour of thy great Name, separating it henceforth from all unhallowed, ordinary, and common uses…" is from that wondrous tome, the 1899 Book of Common Prayer. The passage is part of the "Consecration of a Church or Chapel". Heh.


	27. Red

**Red**

_"Red flowers are generally associated with love and affection...but you know, geraniums have another meaning."_

I know. "Determination," right? I looked it up. Wanted to understand you better, I guess, and she defined you more than anything.

I didn't find "determination" anywhere. You know what I found? "Melancholy" and "sadness" and "sorrow". "Disappointment." "Recollection." "Stupidity": that's my favourite. That's the Scarlet geranium. They don't get much redder than scarlet.

But there was also "ingenuity". Thought that one fit. "Comfort" and "friendship", and "surprise meeting". And "happiness": that one had a picture. They're pretty, a bunch of hearts gathered together.

Appropriate.


	28. Comfort food

**Comfort food**

The first four years were devoid of memory, flavoured only by an overpowering cold.

Then, there had been that woman who gave him stew and a blanket. She'd had a mean little dog, didn't she? The dog had been hungry, too, and then someone had taken the blanket.

That crowd. His first beating, and he'd been so confused. They made noises, like the dog, like the woman. Vocalizing. He'd never learned how.

And then the woman, and the food. Safe. Warm. Mortal.

Delving too far into one's own psyche was a waste of time, Legato decided, reaching for another biscuit.


	29. Random acts of Neko

**Random acts of neko**

Battered and bruised, Vash the Stampede and the preacher - Wolfwood? Was that it? - made their way out of the buried ship.

"You're not a bad shot, for a priest." Wolfwood smiled sheepishly.

"Most of my shots missed, actually. Good thing you had another gun on you."

"What? I didn't...but if you didn't..." Vash and Wolfwood stared dumbly at each other for a long minute, then Wolfwood saw something that made him gasp. He reached over and pulled a three-foot black hair off the shoulder of Vash's coat.

Vash blinked. "Cat hair?"

"My god... Kuroneko-sama must have saved us!"


	30. Mercy

**Mercy**

_This isn't right._

_This isn't who I am. It's who I could've been, sure. It's who I would've liked to have been._

_It's who I wanted to be for you._

_But it's not me. I'm colder than this. Harder. More dangerous. I'm..._

_I'm running out of words. Out of reasons why this is wrong, why I can't... couldn't... _

_Won't. See you win this fight. This war. See the world age, and die. I get to cheat. Because I won't..._

_Do I get a "will"? Can I see you, once more?_

A red blur emerged, directly ahead. Wolfwood sighed.

_Thank god._

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the confused, this is set right after Vash returns from dealing with Caine, and before Wolfwood enters the church. That's all the spoiler you get.


	31. Ammunition

**Ammunition **(animeverse)

A small fire burned between nowhere and nowhere, and Wolfwood and Vash drank.

"Killing isn't the answer, you know. Everyone has the right to live through 'til tomorrow." The flame guttered before no breeze.

"How can I

_protect you_

_become you_

_accept that_

make it stop?"

"I'll show you," Vash purred. Wolfwood blinked.

"Didn't this already happen?"

"Yes. You're dreaming. Do you want me to go away?"

"God, no." Then it was hands and mouths and sand in uncomfortable places and…

Having found what he needed, Legato slipped out of the priest's dreams and summoned the last three Guns.


	32. Luida: Male? Female? Human?

**My TriMax 3 finally arrived!**

****

"However many years pass, he sees so many people's faces as they live and die on this planet. But maybe, this time around..."

_Maybe he's found someone he won't have to bury. Someone who doesn't care what he is, what he isn't._

_And you still haven't answered my question._

"Is this his attempt at absolution?" growled Wolfwood. "Is that what this is?"

"... That's a foolish question."

_Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to, gunman? Absolution can only be **granted**, no matter how fervently it is sought. As you know._

_Acceptance, though... acceptance is like family. _


	33. Vash of the Urple 'Alley

**Vash finds a bodice-ripper**

_"Every muscle tight, taunt, twisting in the rough rope bonds while rougher hands kneaded soft secret skin, sweat-slick, straining, screaming, pleading with stolen breaths for more, for harder, language and leather stripped away by probing fingers and flickering tongue. One, two insidious digits slipped inside and spread, scissored, stretched the sensitive stubborn flesh, while a hot, wet mouth..."_

Wolfwood put the last of the pots away and turned back to the fire to find a flushed and sweaty Vash, eyes wide and glazed. "Tongari? You got a fever or something?"

"..."

The priest blinked. "What the _hell _are you reading?"


	34. Paradise Endured

_"What are you doing, Tongari? It's right next to you! Use it, dammit!"_

_Vash hand fell questing in the dirt as a startled Knives pulled twin 'triggers'._

_-----------------------_

"Why?"

"Tongari, I..."

"You distracted me. You distracted him. You knew the Punisher was too far away for me to reach."

"...Yeah."

"You still said it was right there."

"Yeah."

"You lied to me."

"I know."

"Tell me why."

"Because hate is stronger than guilt."

"You bastard."

"And because I couldn't let you hurt like that forever."

"You think this is better?"

"It has to be."

"How could you?"

"How could I not?"

* * *

This one gets a brief explanation, as it confused even me: See, El Padre, who is dead, tricks Vash into getting killed during the fight with Knives. Why? Love, yo. Better to spend eternity angry at Wolfwood than angsting over Legato.

Politics make me write angry angst.


	35. Angelina, my love

The desert rolled by, monotonous golden-brown, and Vash's hand crept lower.

Hot wind in his face, hot breath on his neck, hot hand on his dick.

"Are you _trying_ to get us both killed?"

Squeeze. Stroke. Slide.

"Do you want me to stop?" Hot lips against his ear, the touch of teeth.

"_God_ no."

Cold hand on his chest, tweaking his nipple, holding him close. His shifted his hips back, pressed his ass against Vash. A question. An offer. Vash chuckled.

"Later. For now..."

_Just_ hard enough and _just_ fast enough and one two three--

And then he was flying.


	36. Nick Fit

He's doing it again. He's got that _look_ in his eyes, the hungry, feral one. And then there's...There! That little flicker of tongue as he licks his lips. Not like he's tasting anything, like after a good meal. More like he getting _ready_ to...

_Fool. Look **away** already._

It's soft. Not as long as some, and a bit crooked, but he roll it between his fingers anyway. Savouring the moment before he slips it between his lips and...

Smokers are the _biggest_ teases.

Just you wait, preacher. I _will_ have my revenge.

But first, I need a _very_ stiff drink.


	37. Stripped

Stripped

He does this on purpose. He _has_ to. No one that drunk should be that sexy.

But _he's_ got it down to a fucking _science_: hair mussed, face flushed, chewing on his lip as he struggles with the five thousand buckles on that damn suit. Swaying to some imaginary tune, dropping the leather with a thud on the downbeat. Dancing in the moonlight.

I grind out my smoke and close my eyes, trying to ignore that I'm hard as hell.

"Wolfwood? It's cold. Can I sleep with you tonight?"

I chance a peek. Not _that_ cold, apparently.

Thank you, Lord.


	38. Motel Etiquette

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

You'd think that the most wanted man on the planet would want to keep his head down.

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

Would be quiet. Secretive. _Mute._

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

You'd hope he would at least be able to screw the preacher into the floor _without_ waking the entire motel.

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

Every night. Every. Single Night.

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud._

I've half a mind to bang on the wall and tell those two to shut the _f_...

"S-senpai...? I..._senpai!"_

But then again, I have more manners than to speak with my mouth full.


	39. Proposal

"You want me to do _what?"_

The girl giggled softly as the boy explained. He was smooth about it. Didn't use the word 'bastard' once.

"Fine. You want the paperwork version or the wordy version?"

So now he was standing in the back of an empty saloon, reciting words of devotion and eternity over two kids - two and a half, really - while Vash supported the other, very drunk, witness.

"...promise to love him for as long as you live?" Vash mouthed the words behind the girl.

He shouldn't've looked up, dammit. Weddings always made him want to cry.


	40. CurlyQ

**Spike Spiegal has left the building**

Vash twitched. Wolfwood lit another smoke, exhaling with a long-suffering sigh.

Milly giggled.

Inhale. Exhale. "Say it."

Vash twitched again.

"Stop twitching already, will ya?! You're gonna pop, or something. Christ. Most kids're happy playing tag, or Tomas rustlers, or shopkeeper or something." Another drag, deeper than the last. "So of course _I_ end up stuck with the only kids on the whole godforsaken planet that wanna be _hairdressers_."

"That was really sweet of you, Priest-san!" Vash nodded in agreement.

"Besides, the kids really liked you..."

"Oh don't you _dare_..."

"_...Tongari_!"

Meryl continued fumbling in her bag for her camera.


	41. Alternatives

"That look on his face… even if Vash _is_ too stupid to recognize it. And he's a _priest_!" Meryl, having long since given up on the glass, raised the bottle of whiskey to her lips and drank deeply. "I never intended to… and I never thought…"

She tossed back another shot, and grimaced. "Does _everybody_ fall in love with the fool?"

Luida smiled knowingly. "Yes. And eventually we realize that we must find our comfort elsewhere."

Meryl hesitated briefly, then set the bottle down firmly on the table and met Luida's eyes. "I could use some comfort right about now."


	42. Upstairs Downstairs

Upstairs

Meryl fell back against the mattress, gasping, as the last tremors of that final orgasm fluttered through her. The priest was amazing in bed. And in the hallway. And up against a wall. And that time on Angelina…

It was so strange - not strange like the Nebraskas, but still odd - how, during the day, he would ignore her completely. But every now and then, he'd get this… _look_ in his eyes… hungry. Compelling.

She couldn't say no.

_Um, Legato? Hey! "Legato-sama"! D'you mind giving me my body back sometime tonight?_

… _Please?_

_I'm really getting tired of this!_

Downstairs

Millie wasn't quite sure what to do.

Big big brother had been a loud drunk. She could deal with that.

"That's _three_ times this month! That _bastard_!"

Middle big sister was known to get maudlin on brandy. She could deal with that, too.

"D'you think he hates me?"

Mr Johnson, from the farm on the other side of the hill, sometimes drank until he saw little crawly things. She didn't like hearing about that one, but could deal with it.

"And why is my arm all tingly _again_?!"

There was, really, only one possible solution.

…She'd have to outdrink him.


	43. Fairy tale

"Once upon a time, there was a man who was more than a man, and a man who was still just a boy, but I'm not sure who was who. And, because they were heroes, they went on a quest, and fought all kinds of monsters, and bad guys, and sometimes each other. After a long, long journey, they defeated the bad guy and saved the whole world."

The rain pounded against the windows, and the children huddled deeper under the covers.

"Gran'ma? What happened then?"

Meryl willed her voice to remain steady.

"They lived happily ever after, of course."


	44. Now and Then

Jaina:

(You never said you wanted _happy_ Vash/Meryl…)

The Next Week

Sometimes I envy you.

Sometimes I wish I could drop this whole tough, professional bitch bit, stop being the Insurance Girl and just be Meryl.

Sometimes I wish I could give in and admit that I have feelings, too. Oh, Millie, why didn't I say anything? He was right there, but I just couldn't… like I can't cry now.

Is there any more to drink? Mmm. Thanks.

I don't think I can return to work. Waitressing doesn't pay too badly…

I am _not_… well, maybe I'm a _little _drunk. But I mean it.

I can't leave this town yet, though.

Much, much later…

I finally found you.

I'm sorry it took me so long. Guess the "I've been busy" excuse only works for the first ten or so years.

I _have_ been busy, though. Not that I'm complaining. Just look at all this grass! And of course, he, _he's_ been…

No. I'm a coward. Everyone I love dies, and I couldn't bear to watch you age. Not you. Rem was taken from me, and so was… but you, I knew, would be different. I'd get a long, happy life with you, watching you grow older, and I'm so sorry, but I _couldn't_…


	45. Chrissmiss

"A tree covered in shiny shit..."

"Right."

"…makes you kiss?"

"No, the _mis_… myth… um, the hanging tree branch makes you kiss. The tree is for presents."

"Then we sing for gifts?"

"No, you sing for a drink. Or a cake."

"I want a cake!"

"…I need a drink."

"And the flying Thomasii?"

"They bring the presents."

"From the big guy."

"In the red coat, yeah."

"You sit on his lap…"

"Um…"

"…and tell him if you've been good…"

"…"

"…and he gives you something to unwrap?"

"Will you two _please_…"

"Senpai?"

"Wha…mmmm..."

"You forgot the tree branch, Big girl."


	46. Monev the Corpse

The giant lay sprawled in the middle of the street, pinned down, it seemed, more by the devil's eyes than by his gun.

"You killed them! They're dead because of you!"

She pulled her children closer and waited.

The crowd muttered of red coats, of Lost July. So that's who he was. Shouldn't somebody….?

There. Behind what was left of the market, four, five men with guns. Would that be enough?

The man in red whispered something, 'goodbye' something. Was he talking to the giant? Then he pulled the trigger, and it didn't matter.

One monster down, one to go.


	47. At least he doesn't smoke Hilites

(This is what happens when a non-smoker gets tired of kissing a smoker.)

--

"Mean!"

"Wha..? How is offering you a smoke mean?"

"Don't you know what's in those things?"

"Yeah, it's a cigarette. Tobacco. Paper. Some cotton for the filter. Bit of glue."

"And when was the last time you saw a tobacco or cotton plant around here?"

"Uh…"

"Have you ever broken one of those things apart? It's _fibers_, not crushed leaves."

"Yeah…?"

"There's only one major source of fibers on this planet, Wolfwood. And you're sitting on one."

"You're telling me…"

"…that you're smoking Tomas fur."

As Wolfwood scowled in disbelief at his cigarette, Vash turned to the girls and winked.


	48. Play the record backward and she returns

(It's just a _touch_ countryfied, I know. Don't kill me.)

--

He stumbled through the front door, unshaven and reeking, cautiously avoiding the creaks in the floorboards.

"Did you get them?"

He started. "I thought you'd be asleep."

"No." She watched blankly as he dropped the satchel and sank wearily into a chair.

"They had hostages. Kids." A weary hand passed over his face. "I got most of 'em."

"You were gone for four months."

"Yeah." There was something not right here.

Satchel.

"Your bag is packed. Wh…?"

"Mom? We're ready." Lucy gasped and dropped her eyes, but Alex glared openly.

"Meryl?"

"I'm sorry, Vash," Meryl sighed. "But I can't do this anymore."


	49. Kazoo you!

Caine awoke to a beautiful sunny morning and _buzzing._

It shook the windows. It resonated off the floorboards. It touched the back of his neck and gave him metalmouth.

No.

First stop: Zazie's room. Bugboy was fast asleep.

Next stop: Dominique's room. Little bit of breathing. Not her this time.

Finally: Midvalley. The buzzing _was _getting louder as he got closer.

Yes.

Caine snatched the kazoo out of the other man's hands and crushed it into powder. "Try something else" he whispered.

Next morning, Caine awoke to a beautiful sunny morning and the pervading thump of a pair of bongos.


	50. Sex, lies, and

Wolfwood froze, sprawled across Vash's thighs, knuckles whitening around the crumpled leathers.

"Dammit Tongari… what the hell is this"

Vash blushed.

"I _told_ you I was…"

"Different. Yeah. But for _fuck's sake_, Vash! How can you even… I mean…"

"I'm a Plant, Wolfwood! Fuel goes in, energy comes out… I don't _need_ a… I don't need to… _you_ know."

Wolfwood was utterly stumped. "Then how're we gonna…how can we, with just…" He gently tugged on one of the protruding feathers, and Vash's hips bucked sharply.

"Oh."

The feather in his hand fluttered, then curled around his fingers and squeezed.

"_Ohh._"


	51. After a fashion

"That was awesome!"

Rai-Dei sipped his tea (terrible, absolutely terrible, wouldn't offer it to a dog, no flavour at all) and ignored the boy. The boy didn't want to be ignored.

"One! Two! Three! Four! Totally deadpan, just like a cowboy! See?"

Was the boy being deliberately insulting? "Boy, you will _cease_…"

The boy held up a brightly coloured booklet with an image of a man with an impressive firearm on the cover. The man was surrounded by the bodies of his foes, and the tassles of his fine hide vest waved subtly in the breeze.

"A cow boy, hmm?"


	52. Subtextus interruptus

"Vaaaaaaash! You there?"

Vash snatched at the blanket as the door flew open. "Yes! Er, no!"

Jessica bounced into the room, then froze. "I'm sorry! Were you sleeping?"

Vash clutched the blanket to his chest, eyes huge. "I was… ? Yes. I'm very tired."

She cocked her head in concern. "You okay? You're awfully flushed."

"I'm… it's warm in here. Did you need something?"

"Just wanted to tell you that I'm making dinner tonight! Six o'clock, ok?"

Vash smiled, a bit too enthusiastically. "W-wonderful!"

"Don't be late!" The door slammed behind her.

"Tongari?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time, lock the fucking door."


	53. Ancient tongue

" 'Tuba mirum, s-spargos sono, per sepulcra regina, caro auctus barathrum.' What's that mean?"

" 'The trumpet trims its song across the Queen's grave, meat-normous hell.' "

"Really?"

"Pretty much. Now…"

" 'More stupid is nature…' "

"Tongari, put the damn book down. Please?"

" 'Coom…' uh, 'Come resurge…' "

" 'Cum resurget creatura judicanti responsura.' 'When mankind arises to render account before the Judge.' Now I'm fuckin' tired of…" (68)

" 'Ingemisco tanquam reus, culpa rubet vultus meus; Supplicanti parce, ecclesiastes.' "

"…Using your sexy voice is cheating. And it's 'spare this supplicant, oh God'. "

"I'll remember that."

* * *

"Tuba mirum spargens sonum  
Per sepulcra regionum,  
Coget omnes ante thronum.

"Mors stupebit et natura,  
Cum resurget creatura,  
Judicanti responsura."

translates to

"The trumpet, scattering its awful sound  
Across the graves of all lands  
Summons all before the throne.

"Death and nature shall be stunned  
When mankind arises  
To render account before the judge.

and

"Ingemisco tanquam reus,  
Culpa rubet vultus meus;  
Supplicanti parce, Deus."

translates to

"I groan as one guilty,my face blushes with guilt;  
spare this suppliant, O God." (rather than "spare this supplicant, O priest.")

Ah, liturgical Latin. Always shall I find a way to make you naughty, as you know you want to be.


	54. Size doesn't matter

"Darling, wait! Can't we talk this over?

I apologize for not being more present as of late. My work has been so consuming lately! And I admit, the comment I made about your weight, while perfectly valid, was harsh. Again, I apologize."

"…"

"Not enough? Fine then! I shall give you three reasons why you should stay with me. One. I am a brilliant scientific genius who will somebody have complete domination over this planet! Two. I am an excellent husband and father. You could never get a better man than me!"

"UWAU!"

"Th-three… won't you think of the children?"


	55. Beneath me

"You're breaking up with me?" He sounded so astonished and hurt that she had to turn around, to see if the expression on his face matched that in his voice.

It did.

She sighed. Silly boy.

"Yes of _course_ I am." She snapped the purple lace fan shut, and tapped in against one gloved palm. "You _never_ take me out any more, and when we _do_ go out, you exhibit the _most_ proletariat tastes."

His retort was drowned by the gunfire from the other end of town, and then silenced by his neighbours' warning screams.

"Roderick! It's Roderick's men, _run_!"


	56. Doubting Thomas

Millie had just set dinner on the table when Vash bolted for the door.

"Vash?" called Meryl, grabbing her cloak and running after him. "What is it?"

"I thought I heard…" He flung the door open. "Wolfwood!"

The priest stood dusty and exhausted in the front yard, with a dusty and exhausted Thomas beside him. "Yo, Tongari."

"Wolfwood?"

"Mr. Wolfwood!"

"I thought you were dead!"

"So did I. You buried me damn deep!"

"How did you find us?"

"How did you survive?"

"Oh, this is wonderful!"

"Um, Mr. Priest? Why does that Thomas keep poking you?"

Wolfwood groaned. "Don't ask."


	57. Remembrances

Some memories get writ on your heart, some get writ on your skin, some get writ on the land itself, but they're all just scars. Records. Ways of remembering.

Names are like scars, he thinks. You get a name, and it's stuck on you, forever and ever. You can only cover up so much, and people _will_ look.

Sometimes the scars are mistakes. Slip of the blade, slip of the tongue, and there you are. Missing finger. Brother-killer. He didn't kill his brother. A'course, he _meant_ to, but then the world exploded. These things happen.

Caine has a good memory.


	58. Independence

"I swear, you're just about the _prettiest_ boy I've ever seen! Come dance with me!

--

_"…therefore, I have decided to take my leave of you, Husband. Rest assured that the children are well, and quite taken with Mr. Klept - Joanna already calls him 'Father'…"_

_-- _

_"…entirely destroyed. Fire broke out in the Chesterton quarter, but by then the July City fire department was buried in the rubble…"_

_-- _

"You've never missed your target, which is why you're still alive.

You _will_ miss this one."

--

Freedom, thought Caine, sighting just shy of the bright red coat, was even sweeter than he'd imagined.


	59. Shortsighted

"I find it hard to believe that such a lovely young lady is here by herself." The blonde giggled and tucked a strand of hair behind one ear.

"Oh, I'm not really here alone. My girlfriend is here," she waved to the bar at large, "…somewhere."

"That's not quite the kind of company I meant." No ring, nice dress, bit of, what? Jasmine? Yeah, she was fancied up for the evening.

"So, gorgeous, buy you a dri--"

"Hornfreak."

"Cyclops?"

"Dominique!" A blur of lavender, and then there was kissing.

Oh.

_Oh_.

"Cy--"

"No, you may not watch."

Damn.


	60. OMG I dun wrote het

It wasn't love, thought Meryl.

_Roughened fingertips trailed across her breastbone. _

It wasn't even need. Not really.

_Her legs wrapped around his hips, urging, demanding._

It wasn't that he was that good -- He _was_ that good, knee-shaking, lip-biting, blind-screaming good --

_She knotted her fingers into thick black hair and pulled him down, tasting of cigarettes and coffee and **her**._

--But that wasn't it.

_Panting against her throat through clenched teeth, and she arched into him, burning._

It wasn't that she needed a companion or a friend. He was that, too, though.

"_Ton--!"_

"_Va--!"_

It was that he understood.


End file.
